"Sesungguhnya dalam diri manusia itu ada seketul daging. Jika daging itu baik, maka baiklah seluruh anggotanya tetapi seandainya daging itu rosak dan kotor, maka kotor dan rosaklah seluruh anggota badan. Daging yang dimaksudkan itu adalah hati"
(Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim daripada Nu'man bin Basyir)

Inilah gaya aku menulis tentang hidup, menulis bukan kerna nama, tapi kerna rasa.

30 July, 2012

Why people had to leave?

The question was a personal, as for me it seemed that everything happen shall have meaning.
I was one to get attached.

Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. 

My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. 

People, places, events, moments even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. 

Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never ended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never been fit again..

I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed them to define my happiness or my sadness. I set myself up to be broken into pieces. 

And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.
Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)

I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed.

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose.
Not even broken hearts.
Not even pain.
That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us.
They are warnings that something is wrong. 
They are warnings that we need to make a change.